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Turning the Big 3-0!

In a few weeks I will be turning 3-0. I don’t think that turning is the right word for it as much as becoming 30. I have survived my twenties and I have learned many lessons. I have spent cold loney nights lost in desperation.

Angry businessman shouting

 I have seen the completion of my college education and graduation. I have moved away from my home town in search of a dream and never realized just how hard it would be. I’ve seen horrible things happen and wonderful things abound. I am still here to tell the story.  I play the game everyday with every piece in my toolbox and let the dice fall where they may.

I’ve been told I’m too dramatic, animated, spoiled, wierd, and been ignored by so called friends, family, and an absent father, but I am loved by too many to care. I’ve been stalked by at least one person who refused to let go after an ill fated romance. I have gained 20 pounds of belly fat that refuses to leave my side (talk about a real friend).  I have realized that Life is Life you take the good with the bad, the bitter with the sweet.

I am thankful for each day and I take it day by day. I live in the present, appreciate the past, and look forward to the future. I love life! I am humbled by all the experiences that God grants me. One day you are down and out without so much as a hint of a better tomorrow and the next you’re are driving off the dealer’s lot with a brand new 2014 Volkswagen Jetta! When it seems that all is lost, God always has another way, another plan, another place, and a way of escape. I’ve been so low that I had to look up to tie my own shoes. God is faithful to complete the goood work that he began in you!

Living the Invisible

Freeze motion of green dust explosion isolated on black backgrou

Have you ever felt that you where an alien or some sort of hologram

mascerading your way through life? Have you ever been somewhere and no one gets your humor or personality? You have all these dreams and passion inside, yet because you don’t’ FIT the version for that Job, that Career, that Partner, and/or that whatever you get crazy stares or awkward silence. However because you’re determined on achieving your goals and ambition, you maneuever through it with positive thoughts and attitude.

You can’t help but wonder in your subconscious what the hell is going on?  Perhaps you walk in the room and go through the crowd and people take one look at you and don’t even acknowledge your presecence. You think, Am I Invisible? I call this living the invisible.  Richard Wright spoke about this in his book “Invisible Life”. If you haven’t read it, you should because in it he descirbes how you feel invisible when others refuse to see you.

Many of the “others” of the world experience this everyday! If you look different than the people around you, you inevitalbly will experience this one time or another, but if you’re reading this you already know that. Living the invisible is where the anaomly meets the mainstream; where the rejected meets the accepted norm; where the artist meets the corportate.  I also find it funny when people act funny towards you when you’re by yourself and then when they see you out with someone they know, they act like they like you. Really!

Fish Flying

GOlden fish jumping out of waterHow to get from point A to point B? I know what it is that I want (my own home based business,multiple streams of income,a loving spouse,dear friendships,and good health), yet taking the steps from here to there can seem like a million. I know that I have to chunk off the big goals into little goals and go after them one by one, but what if the bottom falls out and it throws off your plans?

How do I create a safety net for the unexpected in your efforts of going forth to greater things in life? I realized this today because I received a write up after calling in sick for the third time. Then it dawned on me as I am pursuing my goals something can go wrong and sidetrack me back to square one. I have to do something to safeguard myself from this happening.

This realization/revelation hit me hard because goals have to do with deadlines and hitting them within an allotted time, but something can happen that can delay your time table and throw everything off if you don’t prepare.

A safety net is imperative because you can lose your job, get a divorce, deal with a serious sickness, and/or a host of other things that make it difficult for you to continue with your journey. Start sooner rather than later because you can never know if time is truly on your side.

In addition to all this as I continue to live the life of my dreams, I have found that people are the biggest hinderances to change because they do not know how to relate to something that does not fit into their neat little boxes and labels that they put on others. You know this is true every time you hear someone say “I don’t see you as black” or “You don’t act gay” and the like. You become a pink elephant in the room and everyone is staring at you strangely. “Why do you talk like that?” or “Where are you from?” are frequent questions that follow the awkward stare. As a result of this I have chosen to be alone rather than be bombard by people’s ignorance. Then I find myself being lonely and ask myself how come. I’ve built this house of solitude in order to protect myself and now I can’t breathe. So now I have chosen to say YES to life regardless of how difficult and challenging it is and no matter how rude, ugly, and disrespectful people are.

Getting Past the Awkward

Elephant isolated on white

Have you ever walked into a room and everyone was starring at you? You could tell it wasn’t a good thing either. The energy in the room shifted. Why? Perhaps you look different than other people, you think different than other people, or you are different than other people. We live in a socially driven society and the biggest way to get awkward stares is to think for yourself and be your OWN person. Most people follow crowds and trends without giving any thought or motive on why. People like to put labels on others such as jock, nerd, freak, wierdo, and etc. What do all these labels mean?

If you’re anything like me it doesn’t matter why, but the feeling are real. The feeling that you’re some how the elephant in the room. If you’ve ever been the only whatever in the room, you know what that feels like. The feeling that some how you don’t belong and people are really good at relaying that message through “the staredown”. I have learned that you have to ignore  their stares and focus on something else.

I remember when my friend and I went to the pool and we were the only black guys out there. It was like time had stopped and all the white people where literally just staring with bewilderment. I looked to my friend and said “Hey we must be looking pretty sexy!” This leads me to my next piece of advice, the use of humor. Humor is one of the biggest weapons that you can use to deflect the negative energy in the room when you’re getting that arkward stare.  For example, let’s say you walk into the room and you can feel the eyeballs beaming through you, you can do something to intentionally add more attention to yourself like modeling your clothes, turning around and making direct eye contact with someone and wave hello, and/or even cracking a joke. Hey the spotlights on you anyway you might as well take advantage of it! You have captive audience and eventually they will all go back to doing whatever it was they were doing before you enterd.

Another great tool I use in my toolbox when people are giving me the awkward stare is to tell myself mentally that these people have never seen anyone like me and its a compliment that they can’t take their eyes off me. I must be really special for these people to spend so much of their time on little ole me. It’s true, you are really special! You are a unique person who has a great deal to offer the world. Remember all the creators,inventors, artists, and scientists of world history recieved the awkward stare. People thought they were weird, freaks, strange, and the like so just know you’re in a good company.

So remember the three tools I just gave you: Ignore the negative looks and focus on something else, use humor to deflect and break up tension, and speak to yourself mentally reminding yourself how beautiful and wonderful you are.

Enter the Gray Space

Have you ever dreamt that you were running as hard as you could only to realize that you where standing still in the exact same spot? Have you ever tried to pull yourself forward only to come to the conclusion that for every step you took the resistance grew stronger? Have you got more questions than you have answers about the everyday crazy situations that you find yourself involved? Have you ever made a drastic change in hopes of creating a better condition, only to realize that the more things change the more they stay the same?

Freeze motion of colored dust explosion isolated on black backgr

If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, then you have often visited the gray space. The Gray Space is the intersection of the imaginary and the real. A space where possibilities meet probabilities. The Gray Space is a realm of dreams that often get shattered by the mundane day to day proclivities. Where the images of black and white swirl. You’ve been here before and never even knew its name. Enter the Gray Space!